AU of BEING HAPPY, DAMMIT

[notinthebook]

She's got absolutely no idea what's going on.

Her head is throbbing, her heart is pounding, and she'd just helped Graham break into a grave -- isn't that the kind of thing she'd normally arrest someone for? -- but all she can concentrate on right now is the fact that they're alone in the office and she's just realizing that it's really sort of dark and cozy in here with the lights mainly off, and that his hand is gentle as he cleans up the cut on her forehead, and that she sort of feels like she's never really seen Graham before.

At least, she's never seen him with this accompanying feeling of terrifying happiness.

She's still watching him as he goes to put away the cloth he'd used, and he glances over at her, smiles, slightly, quizzical.  "What?"

She doesn't have a good answer for him.  It's all too complicated to put into words, but it boils down to one thing, one thought that keeps running around through her head, settling in her heart and making it race, making it feel full almost to bursting. 

He picked her.  He picked her.  She'd pushed him away and gotten mad at him and she hadn't come here to be anything other than a friend and a partner, but then he chose her and changed everything.  

When she gets up, she feels like she's moving underwater, but he waits for her, and she can feel her hand going to his shoulder like she's a person in a dream, feels his settle at her waist, and nerves make her smile, make her feel like she's sixteen years old and out in the world for the first time on her own, when she leans up to kiss him.

And it's so sweet, something she never thought she'd ever have for herself, though she doesn't understand the single tear that falls or the way he thanks her, making her smile, a helpless, hopeless, brilliant flash of a smile that cuts through the gloom they're standing in.

"Anytime."

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[notinthebook]

That smile is enough to make her already spastic nerves flare even more, making her knees want to shake and her smile flash and fade and curve again. She feels laid bare, feels vulnerable, feels the old worry and fear creeping up on her, but he's still right here and not going anywhere and when he just says her name, simply, something happy lights itself deep in her chest.

"Everything okay?"

God, she sure hopes so. It feels so damn good to have her hand curved at the back of his neck and his steady at her waist.

[ahuntsman]

"Yes."

Graham's never felt more sure of the word, or his answer, until now.

He leans in to kiss Emma again, his hand never straying from touching her.

The meaning of his memories - his past - will come to him as the night wears on, but for now ... for now it's having those memories at all that's important.

"I feel like I've been woken up from a deep sleep," he explains, shaking his head.

And it's not even just that his memories as the Huntsman are replacing his identity as Sheriff Graham Humbert; they are one and the same person and he is both of them.

It's hard to wrap his mind around it all.

(But he's glad that he's being given the chance to do it anyway.)

[notinthebook]

Her eyes slide closed when he kisses her again, and when it breaks she breathes in deep like she's been underwater for a long time and just came up for air.

He's not the only one feeling clarity; there's something about the warmth of his hand on her waist and the feel of his hair under her fingers that makes her feel completely grounded, settled, happy in her own skin in a way she's never really felt before.

Maybe it's the way he looks at her, or the way she seems to fit so well against him: whatever it is, she wants to cling to it, keep it safe and precious.

"I was really worried about you today," she says, voice coming low.

It hadn't just been the worry of a friend or a coworker or a partner, though, it had struck deep in her heart and forced her to drive to Henry's house to find him.

Her thumb smoothes along the angle of his jaw. It's weird, being able to touch him like this, but it feels so good she can't bring herself to stop. "I'm sorry we didn't find what you were looking for."

[ahuntsman]

Graham gently shakes his head, inadvertently leaning into her touch.

(Because it does feel so good. It's perfect.

Everything about this moment, right now, is perfect.)

"Maybe I did find it," he says. He holds Emma comfortably in his arms, his heart beating quickly in his chest.

(And he can feel it.)

"Maybe, when I remembered everything ..."

Maybe that was when the spell on him was broken.

[notinthebook]

"Yeah?"

Her smile comes quick and disbelieving, and her other hand settles on his chest. She feels like fire is licking over her skin, like her stomach is filled with a sudden spiral of butterflies. The way his arms fit around her, it's like it was meant to be.

It's stupid sentimental nonsense, but she can't help it, he makes her feel stupid and sentimental and willing to believe in nonsense.

(He's her boss, they shouldn't be doing this, but she doesn't care because no one's looked at her like he is right now, not one person in her whole life, not even people she thought cared.)

"I don't know what that means," she admits, "but I'm glad."

He seems better now, anyway, not on the edge of a breakdown anymore, and the panic that had been in his eyes is gone, now, replaced by warmth and smiling affection.

And because she can, because she hasn't gotten used to it yet, because she sort of loves the way it feels, she leans up to kiss him again.

[ahuntsman]

"You are truly wonderful," he tells her when they break apart for air.

Everything Henry had told him earlier about his past; he can recall every moment of it now like it didn't happen twenty-eight Curse-ridden years ago.

The obvious pull and attraction he feels for Emma, it's wound up in his past (in his connection to Snow White - Mary Margaret), sure, but it's so much more than that.

It's the stuff of stories, of fairytales, and he's suddenly almost afraid of it because it is so new for him too.

For years, he had no real human connection. For years he was Regina's prisoner. He had only met one other person who was pure of heart, and she is Emma's mother.

This thing, this start of something amazing with Emma, it's real and it's fragile and it's precious.

[notinthebook]

"Shut up," she says, grinning. As far as she's concerned, he's the wonderful one, he's the one who gave her a chance and a job and believed in her even when she wasn't sure what to believe. He's trusted her and relied on her and even though she's a mess of uncertainties and gunshy around any emotions stronger than vague amusement or affection.

She's waiting for panic to set in, but it hasn't yet, can't seem to break through the contentment of kisses and touches and the smiles he's giving her.

"You realize she's probably going to try and fire at least one if not both of us over this, right?"

It's not really something she's worried about right now, though, she's just saying it because she feels like she probably should, because she ought to think about something that isn't her head and heart all filling up with Graham, should probably say it while she can still make some kind of sense.

He's really distracting.

God, she's like a schoolgirl with a crush, only she's letting herself really feel it for the first time, and it's so much more than a crush, it's falling head over heels and she's letting herself do it without even glancing back.

It's kind of an incredible feeling. Terrifying, but incredible.

[ahuntsman]

He reaches a hand up to touch Emma's cheek and grins a little.

"She can try," he says. "But I'm not going to let go of this job too easily, and I don't think the town will either."

He's pretty confident of his place in Storybrooke, and he'll help defend Emma's place in it too if he has to.

"I'm not afraid of Regina."

Not anymore.

[notinthebook]

"Yeah, you made that pretty clear tonight."

She hasn't seen anyone in town stand up to Regina like he did in that graveyard. She's put up a fight, maybe, but he actually won it, walked away and didn't look back, and now look where all Regina's threats and cajoling have gotten her: absolutely nowhere.

She leans her head a little into his touch.

"Good. I like this job. And the town kind of loves you, you know. So you're probably pretty safe."

[ahuntsman]

"The town's starting to love you too," Graham tells her.

He means it.

He'd noticed the changes in Storybrooke since her arrival till now, even through the haze of magic; and he knows that Emma will only continue to break down the Curse Regina set on it.

Why else would Regina feel so threatened?

(Why hadn't he noticed that before?)

"It'll be hard for Regina to make her case. And there's no one who can really replace either of us if she gets her way."

Which, she won't.

He isn't sure how much - if any - magic Regina has here, but with everything that's happened, he's not going to be her prisoner (her pet) anymore.

(Not when Emma gives him strength.)

[notinthebook]

She doesn't think of herself as particularly loveable. Not like Graham, who's important in the community and nice to pretty much everyone, where she's always prickly and defensive.

He's right about Regina not having much of a case, though. At least, not out of spite.

She's got no idea if there are rules about fraternizing with coworkers, but she's pretty sure she doesn't give a damn. "There's that," she agrees.

She'd have been pretty pleased even if he'd just ended his screwed-up relationship with Regina: this is more than she'd hoped for, and she's a little scared of breaking things if she breathes wrong, but he's talking to her just like normal, so maybe she can relax, a little.

"I can't say I exactly care too much about Regina right now, anyway."

[ahuntsman]

"Me too."

He's done with caring about Regina, in what little capacity he used to be able to.

Now that he feels whole again, with his memories, he plans on using what is essentially a second chance at life to do what he wants.

He wants to make his own choices.

And right now? He chooses Emma.

He tilts her chin up a little, looking into her eyes and knowing this choice is the right one.

Then he kisses her again.

[notinthebook]

She wishes she knew what he's seeing when he looks at her like that, but maybe it doesn't really, matter, because whatever it is, it's good enough for him to lean back down and kiss her again, pulling a little sound of longing from her throat and making her thread her fingers through his hair to pull him closer.

It's absolute insanity how good he feels, like it's not even weird to be kissing him, like it's just how things ought to be, and when this one breaks, she presses another one to his mouth, laughing a little at the feel of scruff against her lips and the fact that they're making out like teenagers in their office.

She doesn't care.

"So, you and me." Her smile is a flash of sheer happiness in the dim room. It's kind of a question and kind of a statement.

"Mary Margaret's going to be so smug."

[ahuntsman]

"Is she?"

Graham chuckles, forehead touching hers.

He has no real idea of what anyone's been saying where he and Emma are concerned, if anything at all.

(Besides which, he's been a little busy as of late.)

But the idea of Mary Margaret and Emma talking about him, and him-and-Emma, makes him laugh a little; well, laugh and blush just a little too.

"Let her be.

"I like the sound of 'you-and-me'."

[notinthebook]

"You have no idea."

Mary Margaret had seen the truth when she'd been stubborn and doing her best to ignore the fact that her heart always gave a little leap every time she saw him, or that their after-work drinks have sort of started getting later and lingering longer.

It had hurt more than she'd ever expected to find him leaving the mayor's house.

His cheeks aren't the only ones getting a little flushed, but what does she care if he knows he was a topic of conversation?

She can feel his heart beating against her palm, just like she had earlier when she'd tried to prove it was there. He doesn't seem to be questioning it now, at least, and she leans into him when he sets his forehead against hers.

"Me too. It's got kind of a nice ring to it."

[ahuntsman]

"It does," Graham agrees, his smile widening and the heart in his chest pounding just that much harder.

He's trying not to get carried away with the way he feels about Emma, but it's a little difficult when you've just regained everything about yourself in the course of an evening.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

[notinthebook]

"You mean like now now, or 'what the hell have we gotten ourselves into' now?"

For the moment, she's pretty happy just where she is, though she wouldn't say no to taking this someplace more comfortable and less, uh, work-related than the office. Hell, she'd be fine just going to Granny's for a drink, knowing that there's something more going on beneath their talk and jokes and actually knowing what it is.

When it comes to planning further ahead than than, she's a little out of her depth.

Maybe that's okay, though: Graham knows that about her, and he doesn't seem to mind.

[ahuntsman]

"Well, I meant now now," Graham says, one hand gently rubbing her arm. "The rest of it ... if there's anything to worry about, we can worry about it later."

And really, he can't see any particular worries aside from the usual Regina-related ones.

(Which they've established they don't care about right now.)

[notinthebook]

"Sounds good to me," she says, smiling, not even caring that goosebumps are trailing up her arm where his hand is running gently over bare skin.

Overthinking things has never been a problem of hers.

As for right now, though...

"Well, I have to say, I'm kind of a fan of the whole kissing thing," she points out, a laugh trying to escape. "But we could go someplace else. Where we don't come work every day."

Not that she isn't going to be a whole lot more fond of this office after tonight.

Her head aches a little, but she doesn't really care. "What do you think?"

[ahuntsman]

"I think that's a great idea. I'm also a fan of 'the whole kissing thing'."

It really is kind of the best.

"So, some place not work-related, but still private enough. That sums it up, yeah?"

[notinthebook]

"This is where I say 'your place or mine,' right?"

She's laughing, though, her hands tracing down his chest to come to rest at his waist.

"Mary Margaret'll probably notice if I bring you home, though."

Not that she cares, but...it's not really private. Not as private as she'd like.

[ahuntsman]

"Mine, then."

Graham laughs a little too.

It's possible the situation could get especially cliche if it were anyone else but Emma.

But despite the lines being used, everything right now since he essentially 'freed' himself from Regina feels like this is the way it was always headed.

It just needed to get past that particular speedbump.

"I promise I never use a line like that either."

[notinthebook]

"Thank God. The last thing I need is a line."

Not that she thinks he'd actually use one, and not that she thinks she'd care if he did, not with that teasing little smile quirking his lips and crinkling his eyes and making him look so damn cute. Her fingers clench in the material of his vest, and she steps back, tugging a little, lifting one eyebrow, a promise sparking deep in her eyes.

Not even being here really feels like being as alone as she wants to be with him.

"Come on, then. What're we hanging around here for?"

[ahuntsman]

"You're right."

He raises both eyebrows just a little in response, his smile widening.

He knows exactly what she means; and honestly, it's making it vaguely difficult to concentrate.

"Let me just grab my keys, we'll lock up, and then ... head out."

To his place.

A place even Regina has never been to, in all the years she had him living this half-life.

[notinthebook]

"Good thinking," she says, somewhere above the heady thumping of her heart where it's pounding in her ears. Still, she's reluctant to step back, even to grab her jacket and toss him his, even to wait the few minutes it takes to lock up the office and head towards the door.

She can't help it, that smile of his makes her feel like her stomach just melted, and though going back with a guy to his place isn't exactly all that strange to her, the fact that it's Graham and Graham's place ought to be.

It isn't, but shouldn't it be?

If she knew about his difficulty in concentrating, she'd agree wholeheartedly. "Ready?"