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Jun. 4th, 2012 08:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
notinthebook They say you should never drive angry or upset, so it's a good thing she's got a ways to walk before she makes it back to the station, cheeks warm from frustration and the long-legged, rapid stride she'd adopted.
Graham hadn't followed her.
She doesn't know if he actually did finish the shift, but the cruiser isn't in the lot when she gets back to the office, and there hadn't been any headlights behind her as she'd made her way back, so either he'd kept making the rounds, or he'd gone home, or...
Well, she doesn't really care what he ended up doing. It could be anything, and it's none of her business.
That's the refrain she plays to herself, stubborn, every time her traitor thoughts do their best to turn to the way she'd felt, like someone had kicked her in the gut, how his usually impeccable neatness had been roughed and rumpled, how his eyes had filled with guilt, how she'd felt --
It's none of her business. And she certainly hasn't been betrayed in any way.
She aims a vicious kick at a loose pebble, takes a tiny amount of satisfaction in the way it goes scattering across the lot and dings off the SHERIFF sign posted at Graham's parking spot. Childish, maybe, but, hey. No one's ever accused her of being mature.
Except maybe Mary Margaret.
Mary Margaret, who -- she glances at her watch -- may or may not be home right now, depending on how well her interlude went. Mary Margaret, who would probably understand. She'd probably even sympathize.
Not that there's anything to sympathize with.
Sliding behind the wheel of the Bug, Emma pauses, a selfish little hurt instinct deep inside wanting nothing more than to drive home and find Mary Margaret and see if maybe she can't soothe away a little of this fractured...whatever it is. Not jealousy -- there's nothing to be jealous of. Graham's a big boy, he can do what -- or who -- he wants.
That was a stupid crush to have, anyway.
But maybe Mary Margaret -- just spending time with her, hearing about David, seeing that smile blossom on her face again -- maybe that would help. It's a strange impulse to have; feels foreign and funny and she shifts a little in the car seat, wondering where it's coming from.
It's not like she needs anyone to talk to, or anything. And definitely not about something as entirely unimportant as Graham sleeping with Regina.
Whatever.
The whole drive is like that, back and forth: her mind keeps throwing images at her and she keeps batting them away, growing more and more impatient with each repetition, and by the time she's home, she's about ready to break something, but --
Mary Margaret's car. It's here, in the lot, and when Emma lets herself in, she catches the little signs that mean her roommate is home: jacket hung neatly on the coatrack (her own gets tossed on the back of a chair). Keys in the dish by the door. Coffee maker filled and set for the next morning. Emma looks up the stairs, and listens, but hears no movement.
She must be asleep. It's late, and there aren't any lights on.
For a second, she stands there, looking up anyway, hand on the iron railing, before shaking her head and making her way, as quietly as possible, upstairs. Who the hell wants to sit and listen to a sob story in the middle of the night? And with any luck, Mary Margaret's night went well, so she probably went to bed in a good mood. Emma glances at her closed door, thinking about how excited, how happy she'd been at the station.
She can't wreck all that just because her own night went to crap. If anyone deserves one good night, it's Mary Margaret, and she doesn't need her roommate barging in and bitching about something she's got no right to bitch about in the first place.
That's what she decides, and since she's not bitching to Mary Margaret, she's just going to keep this whole stupid thing to herself, so she doesn't open the linen closet door, either. What the hell would she even say? What would be the point? There wouldn't be one, so she walks on by, keeping her steps light, and heads to her room, only to be greeted by a neat pile on her pillow, red leather and yellow paper.
Her jacket? She closes the door softly behind her, walks forward, a frown pulling at her forehead, aching there, but getting closer just proves her initial recognition. It's her jacket, her favorite jacket, the one she'd left in Miami by accident. Michael must have given it to Mary Margaret when he tried to come through the door to find her.
On top of the soft leather sits a sealed envelope; she picks it up and rips the top edge open as her frown deepens, right before it clears into round-eyed surprised.
That's...a lot of money, and she thinks back to that conversation at the bar, Michael telling her he needs another job because the five thousand from Paco only went so far.
She'd thought that seemed low at the time, but she'd never thought for a second it was because he'd split it with her. It's hard to say whether it was idiotic, or sort of chivalrous, in a really bizarre kind of way, the sort of way Emma's beginning to recognize is ingrained somewhere deep in Michael, beneath the quips and the suits, even beneath the something hard there that's like punching steel when you think you're going to hit silk.
Friends. That's what Michael had said, that's what they've been -- sorta -- since that awkward conversation up in Room 15, and it's worked -- sorta -- so far. She'd taken that definition and locked what happened in Miami up behind it, brushed it off as a one-time thing, but this, seeing her jacket and the wad of cash stuffed into an envelope, it makes her reassess.
She hates that. There's nothing worse than not knowing where you stand, and that fact that she's the one confused only pisses her off more.
This is just what she needs.
Putting the envelope back down, she sits on the mattress, looks for a long minute at the red leather and the collection of crisp bills just poking out of the yellow paper, then flops on her back, letting out a breath like a puppet getting its strings cut, staring at the ceiling.
It's got no answers for her, but it's something to look at that doesn't remind her of anything. Or anyone.
Graham hadn't followed her.
She doesn't know if he actually did finish the shift, but the cruiser isn't in the lot when she gets back to the office, and there hadn't been any headlights behind her as she'd made her way back, so either he'd kept making the rounds, or he'd gone home, or...
Well, she doesn't really care what he ended up doing. It could be anything, and it's none of her business.
That's the refrain she plays to herself, stubborn, every time her traitor thoughts do their best to turn to the way she'd felt, like someone had kicked her in the gut, how his usually impeccable neatness had been roughed and rumpled, how his eyes had filled with guilt, how she'd felt --
It's none of her business. And she certainly hasn't been betrayed in any way.
She aims a vicious kick at a loose pebble, takes a tiny amount of satisfaction in the way it goes scattering across the lot and dings off the SHERIFF sign posted at Graham's parking spot. Childish, maybe, but, hey. No one's ever accused her of being mature.
Except maybe Mary Margaret.
Mary Margaret, who -- she glances at her watch -- may or may not be home right now, depending on how well her interlude went. Mary Margaret, who would probably understand. She'd probably even sympathize.
Not that there's anything to sympathize with.
Sliding behind the wheel of the Bug, Emma pauses, a selfish little hurt instinct deep inside wanting nothing more than to drive home and find Mary Margaret and see if maybe she can't soothe away a little of this fractured...whatever it is. Not jealousy -- there's nothing to be jealous of. Graham's a big boy, he can do what -- or who -- he wants.
That was a stupid crush to have, anyway.
But maybe Mary Margaret -- just spending time with her, hearing about David, seeing that smile blossom on her face again -- maybe that would help. It's a strange impulse to have; feels foreign and funny and she shifts a little in the car seat, wondering where it's coming from.
It's not like she needs anyone to talk to, or anything. And definitely not about something as entirely unimportant as Graham sleeping with Regina.
Whatever.
The whole drive is like that, back and forth: her mind keeps throwing images at her and she keeps batting them away, growing more and more impatient with each repetition, and by the time she's home, she's about ready to break something, but --
Mary Margaret's car. It's here, in the lot, and when Emma lets herself in, she catches the little signs that mean her roommate is home: jacket hung neatly on the coatrack (her own gets tossed on the back of a chair). Keys in the dish by the door. Coffee maker filled and set for the next morning. Emma looks up the stairs, and listens, but hears no movement.
She must be asleep. It's late, and there aren't any lights on.
For a second, she stands there, looking up anyway, hand on the iron railing, before shaking her head and making her way, as quietly as possible, upstairs. Who the hell wants to sit and listen to a sob story in the middle of the night? And with any luck, Mary Margaret's night went well, so she probably went to bed in a good mood. Emma glances at her closed door, thinking about how excited, how happy she'd been at the station.
She can't wreck all that just because her own night went to crap. If anyone deserves one good night, it's Mary Margaret, and she doesn't need her roommate barging in and bitching about something she's got no right to bitch about in the first place.
That's what she decides, and since she's not bitching to Mary Margaret, she's just going to keep this whole stupid thing to herself, so she doesn't open the linen closet door, either. What the hell would she even say? What would be the point? There wouldn't be one, so she walks on by, keeping her steps light, and heads to her room, only to be greeted by a neat pile on her pillow, red leather and yellow paper.
Her jacket? She closes the door softly behind her, walks forward, a frown pulling at her forehead, aching there, but getting closer just proves her initial recognition. It's her jacket, her favorite jacket, the one she'd left in Miami by accident. Michael must have given it to Mary Margaret when he tried to come through the door to find her.
On top of the soft leather sits a sealed envelope; she picks it up and rips the top edge open as her frown deepens, right before it clears into round-eyed surprised.
That's...a lot of money, and she thinks back to that conversation at the bar, Michael telling her he needs another job because the five thousand from Paco only went so far.
She'd thought that seemed low at the time, but she'd never thought for a second it was because he'd split it with her. It's hard to say whether it was idiotic, or sort of chivalrous, in a really bizarre kind of way, the sort of way Emma's beginning to recognize is ingrained somewhere deep in Michael, beneath the quips and the suits, even beneath the something hard there that's like punching steel when you think you're going to hit silk.
Friends. That's what Michael had said, that's what they've been -- sorta -- since that awkward conversation up in Room 15, and it's worked -- sorta -- so far. She'd taken that definition and locked what happened in Miami up behind it, brushed it off as a one-time thing, but this, seeing her jacket and the wad of cash stuffed into an envelope, it makes her reassess.
She hates that. There's nothing worse than not knowing where you stand, and that fact that she's the one confused only pisses her off more.
This is just what she needs.
Putting the envelope back down, she sits on the mattress, looks for a long minute at the red leather and the collection of crisp bills just poking out of the yellow paper, then flops on her back, letting out a breath like a puppet getting its strings cut, staring at the ceiling.
It's got no answers for her, but it's something to look at that doesn't remind her of anything. Or anyone.